Kontiki

I had this idea for a great novel.

Looking back now it was total shit, the sappiness of a Nicholas Sparks novel and the setting of something out of a Jonathan Green book. Boy meets girl at college, boy and girl fall in love, girl's brother and dad are killed by a drunk driver on a football recruiting trip, everything falls apart.

A classic tale.

But I needed some way to write it.

I was studying abroad in Florence in a 10 person house with 9 other savages. We drank to near black-out almost every night. I did have my first blog (Frat Italy) up and running and I was taking a creative writing class. I had written some short stories but never even thought about the idea of jumping all the way into a novel.

Fuck it. I'm going to write a novel. I'm going to go to the French Riviera, sit on the beach and write a fucking novel. (This was my romanticized idea of what a writer would do)

One Wednesday after my Italian Film class, I walked to the train station to inquire what a ticket up to Nice would cost. 20 Euro one way. It was a 10 hour train ride and it was leaving in 10 minutes.

Without anything more than my laptop and the clothes on my back I got on the train.

I arrived in the French Riviera early the next morning and checked into the first hostel I saw. Then I walked to the beach and started writing a story about a guy who met a girl at the Bloomington quarries. In a scene very reminiscent of Forgetting Sarah Marshall, the guy (I called him Dave because I have no creativity) is afraid to jump and Anna (I had a crush on a girl named Anna) convinces him to jump.

I got maybe 10,000 words in before I went back to my hostel to have a few cocktails. I met some Swedish girls in the hostel and we hit the town that night and simultaneously I had began my career as a writer and an explorer. (This is the exact moment I fell in love with hostels. In one, anything is possible. It's now the only way I travel internationally and also the subject matter of my current television pilot) Since then I have had no trouble traveling alone, with friends, with strangers and I can't get enough.

In August I traveled semi-alone to Ireland/England/France and it was dope. You can read about it here.

In April I traveled fully alone to Denmark/Sweden and it was dope. You can read about it here.

But now, I want to put together an awesome Christmas break trip and I want you to come with me.

The only positive part of my job is that I still get a 2 week Christmas Break which will be something like 12/24 to 1/7 this year. I don't know where I'm going, who I'm going with or what we're going to do. But that's just semantics.

There are companies that specialize in travel for people between 18-35, I've been told it essentially turns into a rage fest. I want to do that, celebrate my 30th birthday early and hard.

Will you join me? Let's talk about where we can go...

Australia
I have cousins that live in a mansion in Australia. They always ask me to visit and I never do because I am an idiot. They tell me that my American accent would crush with all their friends AND STILL I DON'T VISIT BECAUSE I AM AN IDIOT! Unfortunately they always leave Australia for Christmas which is why I think I haven't been yet, but still, Australia is my white whale. The fact that I haven't been there baffles me.

Did I mention that December is the beginning of Australia's winter? Not only can we rip it for New Year's and kick the shit out of any drop bears should we encounter them; we can get liquored up on the beach.

If we hop on a tour we can basically travel on pre-arranged busses and boats, stay in hostels and get fucked up with a bunch of like minded people who are on a vacation with the most hedonistic sensibilities involved. Two weeks certainly isn't enough time to see all of Australia, but it's a good chunk of time to knock out several portions. I think this is an easy leader in the clubhouse.

The Thailand Trip 
I haven't done the Thailand trip yet.

You know, the one where we drink out of buckets on the beach at a full moon party and stay in five star hotels for $17.

It feels like everyone has done that trip. I would like to do that trip.

It seems difficult to plan but with my new job I have approximately 10 hours of downtime every day. We can bring a GoPro and make a video. It will be great.

Colombia
All my crazy friends went to Colombia last year. You know these guys, they're the worst. They went so hard in Colombia that they were broken men. Some of them still haven't resumed partying. They flew too close to the sun and they got burned bad.

That sounds like a great fucking time to me. RT airfare from LAX is like $600 and everything is essentially free once you get there. Definitely the most economical South America trip. I have a friend going this week, I will acquire intel from him upon his return. I hear they have DIY cocaine workshops. Always fun to learn a new skill.

Europe
I know I've been twice in the past several months but I will never turn down a Euro trip. Frankly, I'm obsessed. Even though going to Norway or Iceland in December is fucking absurd, I know it would be a good time and you can get those flights for about $500 round trip. I have it on good authority that Icelandic girls are the most feminist chicks in the world. Translation? Iceland fucks.

I would also never say no to a London trip...OMG am I an Anglophile? I'm an Anglophile. England is probably my favorite country in the world. My friend Hunter has a vacancy. LA you may lose me. I could always write for Peaky Blinders or something.

At least I'm not one of those idiots that is obsessed with France.

Cuba
There are a bunch of hipsters right now saying things like "I want to go to Cuba before America ruins it with luxury hotels and shit."

I am not one of those hipsters. I like luxury hotels and shit. If I wanted to see a shithole I would take an uber to 7th and Spring. That would be much cheaper than getting government permission to go visit a semi-embargoed communist nation.

That said, if you want to go to Cuba, I'm in. It will get me a lot of street cred with the east of the 405 crowd. I think it's also still cheap AF.

Central America
While I feel like going to Central America is a bit of a half measure (it's cooler than going to Mexico but not as cool as going to South America) I would settle for a week long party binge in Panama. Then I could contract Zika virus and maybe my mom would finally accept the fact that she is never having grandchildren.

I'm sorry mom. I prefer traveling to growing up. Thanks for paying my cell phone bill every month.

Africa
Uhhhh...I mean. I would go to Casablanca or Tunisia or something. Capetown? JoBurg?

I'm not trying to go look for clean water in Somalia or go on a safari or some shit.

It would be a nice talking point some day, I feel like it would prove to people that I'm not racist.

A Cruise
I went on a cruise in 8th grade and it was dope. There was a special night club for people 13-18 that played Daft Punk and hosted games like Truth or Dare and Spin the Bottle. One night a guy brought a water bottle full of vodka, I drank 4 shots and puked. It was rad.

Furthermore, all the food on a cruise is fucking free. I ate like 10 steaks one night and then I puked, it was rad. There is also all you can eat soft serve ice cream, a casino, a rock climbing wall, 4 pools and 7 hot tubs, basketball courts, an ice skating rink and cool island stops.

Imagine adding a bunch of booze to this equation, it's a god damn dream.

Now I imagine the shitty Skrillex Carnival Cruise probably doesn't have half the cool perks that Royal Caribbean did in the late 90's, but there are probably people that figure out a way to sneak on acid, so we've got that going for us.

Literally anywhere else
I hope I get a lot of responses to this, publicly and privately. But if I don't and there is one person who wants to go to Mongolia for Christmas? I'm down. You want to go to Rosarito and get lit at Papas & Beer for a week straight? We could do worse!

There are 196 countries in the world and for real, I would probably be keen to visit about 190 of them. (I don't fuck with the middle east at the moment, I'm not Shane Smith)

So if you're planning a kick ass Christmas Vacation, count me in. Or let's plan one ourselves. We've got 6 months to save up. I'm personally going to put $80 of every paycheck between now and then in a new account. That should give me about 2 grand to play with. It's not a lot, but it's a start.

And next year we can go somewhere else. And the year after that, somewhere else. I'm not planning on getting married or laying down roots anytime soon.

Let's go see the world.