Green with envy

It has already started. Those little shitheads that are still in paradise are taking a vacation from their current vacation (college is a vacation) to go to Mexico or some other moderately safe place to blow stacks and stacks of their parents' loot. If you actually had to pay for college and therefore went home and "relaxed" aka cried about missing out on fun because daddy couldn't get any overtime at the factory I cannot relate to you. Well I couldn't until now. FUCK am I jealous. The only thing that gets me through a work week is the combination of Facebook and twitter. Now all I am going to read are snarky ass tweets from all thos kids on vacation. "10AM blacked out on the beach, thanks for spending 3gs so I can hang out with all my friends in Mexico dad." Fuck you it's 10AM I just had my 3rd cup of coffee and finished my tater tots, the highlight of my day.

Then there will be the crazy roadtrip down to Daytona with 4 frat guys and a brick of weed, you'll get a bunch of twitpics and wall posts about trannys and blowjobs and live action urine all crazy horrible stuff that I actually miss. I lived for Spring Break, I went on Spring Break every year from 3 until now and I can recount every single one of them...ok 3-12 were Disney World, my dad isn't really known for his creative trip planning. But they were all totally bad ass and I can think of great stories from all of them. They always include near arrests, violence, shameful hookups and a D list rapper performing at a shitty night club. The only thing I can take solace in is the fact that while all these children are taking their crew to some sort of exotic location in the world, myself and my carefully selected elitists from top tier Greek organizations of Indiana University that moved to Chicago and literally like 4 others that were lucky to get added have St. Patty's Day.

BOOM! Green with Envy, see what I did there? God dammit I should get paid to write.

I am seriously considering staying in tonight. I did it last Friday and then ripped a 24 hour drinking binge Saturday which was nothing short of incredible. Realistically I could order Chinese food tonight watch 5 episodes of the Wire go to sleep, wake up and go to a bar for 23 hours tomorrow.

Fun Fact: Because of the time change Mcfaddens will be staying open until 6am and they are open at 7am...the hour of 2 o clock wont actually ever happen, but if you pull a 22 hour open to close, I will build a shrine to you.

Alas, I will be pregame hopping (I hate the term house party because it associates with GDI's. Indiana has pitch-ins Illinois has pot lucks. Gdis have house parties we have pregames.) From probably 7am to around 11ish. I probably won't have fun at any of them because I will be so worried about getting to the next party as not to offend anyone, so fuck you all for not coordinating this better. But what I will do is get extremely intoxicated on vodka and orange juice...I might even get drunk enough to give bacon a second shot. After the soggy bacon incident of 2006 I swore it off forever, but I'm a forgiving guy.

Anyway, what's the play tomorrow? Go to the parade? Watch the river dye green? Bars...hubbard, division, wrigley?

You really can't go wrong drinking ever anywhere. I could sit in a basement with skunked Keystones and rats and I would have a generally decent time, but my reccomendation would be to get as close to the action as possible. Wrigley is good for Cubs games, TBOX and Beadfest...the parade it for children, and why see a river dyed green when they are pouring you green beers at Butch McGuire's. You may even run into a New Trier grad there! I swear to god I am going to start having unprotected sex with every girl I bring home from there on the probability that she is a rich girl from Kenilworth and knocking her up will force her dad to give me a better job.

So there you have it, stay up as late as you can and meet me at Nookies 2 at 6am. I'll hide a case in that alley early in the night and we can drink there for the last hour to make it the full 24. Bet you clowns didn't even know Nooks was byob.