Are you a professional athlete that lives to compete? Do you agonize in every loss and cherish every win as if it could be your last? Are you looking for a supplement to give you a cutting edge when you are on the court but turn your adrenaline into near alcohol poisoning the second the final bell rings? Look no further, Kanerade the Sports drink that metabolizes all of your extra energy into aggression for one last late game push, amping you up for late game heroics and then releases into your blood stream immediately thereafter causing a euphoric feeling so you can truly party like a rockstar! The patent mixture of Caffeine, vitamin B12 and compound c17h21NO4 is proven, just ask spokesman Patrick Kane?
Patrick Kane- "Kanerade is pretty much the best stuff in the planet. Last night I scored my 100th goal then went to District until 5 in the morning, drank an entire Jagerator and convinced 3 girls to play Magical chairs with my dick."
Kanerade isn't just for professional athletes. It's effects can be used after a spat of day drinking with friends to perk up for the night's activities. Before a trivial philisophical debate with an old friend, or for someone trying to save money at dinner by drinking only!
(voice gets very fast) Kanerademaycauseseveralhealthproblemsincludingfeelingsofnauseachestpainsandpossiblyanexplodingheart.
(Rich beautiful people drink Kanerade over a montage of smiles and success)
Drink the sports drink of the rich and famous! Kanerade at a local street corner now near you!!!
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I was going to just do that whole bit as an intro to why Patrick Kane and all of hockey is badass but I got carried away and turned it into a pretty lame parody SNL commercial.
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