In my projects: Lincoln Park

I started posting these links to twitter a while back so people didn't have to check the site every day and be disappointed to not see something new. Today I said whatever, my relatives on Facebook probably won't read it, and if they do they'll just get their minds blown so why not. 500 fucking views between 2-4. Either I am really fuckign good, or you guys all hate your jobs as much as I do. Anyway that said, all of you deserve more. You don't deserve one or two diatribes a week about drinking and masked metaphors that target one or two people. You need me to bring that hot shit constantly. Now that my boss has announced he is peacing and is in effect a lame duck, and the only thing on TV is the Spring Premier of Secret Life of the American Teen, I have a shit ton of time to focus on this pathetic little blog.

Last night I introduced after hours, which will surely get me in trouble some day when I come home and talk shit about whoever denied me that night. Today I'm introducing "In my projects" I will go through every neighborhood stereotyping the people that live there, their background, how they want to be perceived, I might even create a character (that will not be based on anyone I actually know...maybe) I focus a lot of time on this blog talking about me (the single dude) it's time to give Chicago the limelight. Without further ado, let's have a crack at these crazy white kids from the north shore who get 5 bedroom condos on Clark...

Bro, last night at Beaumont I was grinding that little DePaul student so hard I almost blew a load. Good thing I didn't because then I took her back to our obnoxiously awesome apartment that our parents pay rent for and waxed for like 3 hours.
"That's awesome man. Where was she this morning, did you drive her home, give her money for a cab?"
No way man when I woke up I realized she wasn't worth me A. Getting out of bed to drive her B. Me handing her a 20, so I handed her 9 quarters and told her to take the bus! AWESOME *high fives*

Welcome to Lincoln Park. A curious mixture of college students, yuppies and families. Full of bars, restaraunts and quaint shopping boutiques. It's really the best a midwest girl can do if she wants to live a Carrie Bradshaw lifestyle. Full of wealth most of it's residents are from wealthy upper-middleclass families somewhere in the midwest. Either you are from a near north or west suburb and you needed to get out of your parents house, or you grew up in Indiana, went to IU and needed to get THE FUCK out of Indianapolis. Most of these kids run around town spending money like they are CEO's taking girls to Alinea on a first date not realizing that lots of families eat boxed pasta and rice 4 nights a week.

I'm going to spend every fucking day at North Avenue Beach this summer, I'll probably be on at least 2 softball teams and a volleyball squad. I'll be the foursquare mayor of Zella so fucking fast they will be paying me to go there. This summer is going to kick ass man. I will probably go out 6 nights a week and never even leave Lincoln Park. Tuesday Joes, Wednesday Kincades, Thursday Mcgee's I can pick up a new girl every night and then it's the weekend and I can go nuts. I can drink until 2 in the morning throw on a suit take an axe shower and stumble to the el in the morning. Although I butter it up for chicks and my parents' friends I'm really just a sales assistant at a financial services firm, but my office is at 101 S Wacker so who gives a shit?

Lincoln Park is bordered by the poor hipsters to the west, the gays and Wrigley crowd to the north, the lake to the East and the "pretending they are too cool to live in Lincoln Park" to the south. BYOB is totally a chic thing to do with a group of girls (OMG sushi and wine pregame at Ringo!) and there have to be at least 100 bars on Lincoln in between Armitage and Wrightwood, then there is the whole lost section of LP up on Clark that no one really even knows about. Needless to say, people in this neighborhood get extremely out of hand on almost a nightly basis, if you want to find it you can. This is totally the top 40 B96 crowd. I would venture to guess about 90% white, and 90% of them are wearing an outfit valued at over $200 right now. Most of them run around proudly sporting their 847 area codes that they will never change (although the only thing cooler than 847 is 312) that way when they meet a girl at a bar and give them their number they might as well give them a business card that says "my dad is a lawyer, doctor AND owns a dealership. There is nothing wrong with being a spoiled brat though, Lincoln Park has outstanding parks, good areas to run, go dime spotting, walk a dog, bust out some rollerblades or ride a bike. The people are generally a good time and there is always something going on. There is a reason anyone who can afford it moves here after college.

I just watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off at movies in the park. Pretty accurate portrayal of Chicago. I mean they NAILED New Trier, when we didn't feel like going to class we used to steal your dad's ferarri and go to Cubs games too! What are we doing tonight, live band Karaoke at Stanley's? Cool see ya there.

Whether you are drinking, exercising, eating or just strolling around one of the near northside's wealthiest neighborhood. It's a fun place to be especially in the summer, and if you see a couple coeds puking out the side of a trolley window, well hey, you gotta take the good with the bad.